Crippling Jane

You are a little girl, sitting on the floor of a large gray laundry room. There are washers behind you, hidden in a corner and dryers stacked up in front of you. You have assorted action figures and dolls on the floor by your feet—George Clooney dressed as Batman, a 1996 “made in China” Mattel Barbie doll in a pink dress, and a soldier moveable joints.
Your aunt is a few feet away from you. She has one end of her jump rope to a large pipe that extends from the floor to the ceiling. She is playing jump rope by herself, counting how many times she can jump without stopping. You make George Clooney kiss pink Barbie and then make the solider attack them both.
After sometime, you begin to get bored—you look out the window from the floor which is at the top left corner of the room—and notice the rays of sun beaming against the gray walls. There is a large table near you, against the left wall. You look at it and think about swinging from it—call yourself Tarzan—just for a little fun.
On five year old legs, you get up and walk to the table. There is a bar near the edge of it which you begin to swing from, your legs rocking back and forth on the floor as you do so. But, little do you know the table is giving way to your swaying and rocking back and forth with you. It is heavy but you do not notice this because you feel as if you are in the jungle somewhere far away from the gray laundry room, and you close your eyes.
In the blink of an eye you become your aunt. Now from the eyes of a thirteen year old girl, you stop your jumping and you stare. Your skin begins to burn as you look at your niece—her head is being crushed by a table—as she is laying on the floor. Adrenaline is building in your system, but this isn’t what comes to mind, you need to save your niece. You run to her and try to lift up the table but it is so heavy. You become panicked and somehow manage to lift the table with one arm and drag her out with the other.
You stare at her crush face, her nose is pushed in and her eyes are squinted. She is bleeding from her nostrils and her eye sockets. She is still conscious and asking you what happened. You tell her—
“Everything is going to be okay.”
You take her inside of the house and call for your mother—her grandmother—who begins to cry. She is cringing and calling for her son—the girl’s father—the call 911. The girl hugs her grandmother and asks her why she is crying and her grandmother responds—
“Because you are hurt.”
“But I’m not hurt grandma, I feel fine. Please stop crying.”
And her father wakes up from his slumber to see what has happened. His face is distraught when he sees his daughter’s crippled skull.
In the blink of an eye you return to yourself. You are the girl again. You remember being fed fruit loops and hating them. You remember being in a wheelchair and going to a vending machine. You are standing in front of a mirror, the sun is shining in through a hospital window and you see yourself for the first time in weeks. Your eyes are swollen and there are black bags under them. You look like a raccoon and say out loud—
“That isn’t me.”
You don’t know who you are or where you have been.


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